


Vindication Through Adoration

by Newtavore



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 01:05:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2753825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Newtavore/pseuds/Newtavore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i wrote this in ten minutes.</p><p>I am Vindicated<br/>I am selfish<br/>I am wrong<br/>I am right<br/>I swear I’m right<br/>I swear I knew it all along</p><p>And I am flawed <br/>But I am cleaning up so well<br/>I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself</p><p>-vindicated, dashboard confessional</p>
    </blockquote>





	Vindication Through Adoration

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in ten minutes.
> 
> I am Vindicated  
> I am selfish  
> I am wrong  
> I am right  
> I swear I’m right  
> I swear I knew it all along
> 
> And I am flawed   
> But I am cleaning up so well  
> I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
> 
> -vindicated, dashboard confessional

You’re fucking nothing. 

 

You’ve known it your whole life, you’ve known it every second of your existence, and every attempt to cover it up is useless. The magic bullshit was useless, and ineffectual, and so was this greaser crap; you know everyone can see right through it to the disgusting, helpless piece of shit you are inside, but...

 

But not him. 

 

Not him, never him. Kankri, god, Kankri… it’s like every time he looks at you, his eyes cut through everything, see through all the caked on ugliness, just a simple glance and you're laid bare, and he sees something worthwhile. He sees something worth loving, and you can’t believe it. 

 

He loves you. He  _loves_  you. 

 

He looks at you, and he sees something worth loving. He looks at you, and he sees what he swears is the real you, and he calls you kind, calls you beautiful, calls you so many kind things that you break down and cry in his arms and refuse to talk to him for a whole week at a time, but you always come crawling back to him in the end, because you can’t get enough of it. 

 

You soak up the attention, the affection, like it’s air and you don’t have gills and you’d drown without it. He holds you close and whispers all the things that make him love you into your ears and you cry and cry and cling to him, look up to him, press your fingers to his lips in an attempt to silence him, but he just parts his fingers and kisses the tips of them and says ‘I love you’ in the way that makes you cover his mouth with your own just to get him to stop talking before you break. 

 

But you’ve already shattered, and he’s put you back together again over and over and over, gluing your broken pieces with love and affection and soft, gentle touches, and he’s shattered your defenses, ripped them open without using a singe ounce of force, but he’s put your soul back together again in a way that makes you need him like you need… 

 

There’s no comparison. You need him more than you need anything else. You’re addicted to him, to his voice, to his perception of you, and you try so hard to make him proud, you bend and form yourself to try to make yourself better, try to be what he sees in you, and… you start to see it yourself. It’s strange. 

 

He says these things, and you start to realize that… maybe he’s right, maybe… maybe you aren’t irreparable. Maybe you aren’t wholeheartedly terrible, and it just makes you try harder, be better, open up more, and… you realize that you’re happy for the first time in your life. 

 

Your entire life revolved around pleasing him, around making him happy, until you start to realize that you being happy makes him happy, and… it’s this huge, utter mess that you wouldn’t trade out for the world. 

 

There’s a strange humming in your chest when he catches your fingers and presses his lips to them, and, with a pang, you realize it’s hope. Hope blooms in your chest, spreads through your whole body, and before you can even think, you grab him in your arms and hold him close and cry, because it hurts, it burns, but it feels so good at the same time. 

 

You’ve never felt like this before, and it’s… you… you feel _worth_ something for the first time, and he smiles at you, kisses you softly, and holds you close and you feel _worth_ something, and you cry and cry and cry but you’re happy. 

 

You’re so fucking happy and filled with hope, and you think that maybe, maybe things will turn out okay.

**Author's Note:**

> i had a migraine while i wrote this plz forgive any spelling/grammar errors


End file.
